Ok, 35 minutes later, I'm staring into space in front of the computer listening to the barely audible sound of the rain falling outside. It's quiet, really quiet, and I'm not bored, more like lonely and craving human interaction. Not from my mother or brother, after all, how often do I hang out with them even when they're home? But maybe a friend. yeah, I wish I'd asked someone over to hang out for a while. But who? Everyone's got their own lives, they seem too busy for me sometimes. But I can't really talk, I'm too busy for people sometimes too. If I wanna go out with a friend now, I've got to book in advance.
"Are you free on friday?"
"No, how about monday?"
"Sorry, I can't make it then, there's tuition, another day?"
"how about next week?"
then
"argh forget it, let's wait 'til we're all more free, which will be sometime at the end of the year."
Selfish self-centered rambling and I hate myself for it. If there were two of me, one half would kill the other, then kill itself, I don't think I could stand myself.
The number of true friends I have now seems to have dwindled. They've all got other cliques, their own other groups of friends and the groups don't include me. That's a selfish thing to say, I'm wallowing in self-pity and this is a selfish post, all about me, me me. Me with a capital 'm-e'. And I hate myself for that. Hate myself for being so self-centered. Sick of myself sometimes.
warning: self-indulgent whining ahead.
Where's the group of friends I once had, way back when i was 8 to 11 years old, that wacky bunch of boys and girls, the people whom once were so important to me? The nine of us meant the world to each other. The stupid things we did as young children; remember the time we camped out in the - I think it was Celeste's - garden and refused to go in, then it got too cold and in the middle of the night we slept in her laundry room?
Where are all of you now? I've only seen Ryan, and that was in September last year. He's changed so much. I've changed so much. We're all so much older. Everyone's so different. I bet if I ran head-on into all of you now, we wouldn't recognise each other. Do you all still keep in contact? We'd be, what, an age range of 17 to 19 years old now. Almost 10 years of not hanging around each other like the plague; after grade six a lot of us parted ways.
Sometimes I wish I were a kid again, when nothing mattered but meeting at someone's house and watching videos, playing on the trampoline and all the other kiddy stuff we loved.
I guess it's nostalgia. I don't think I should be left alone. At least when the family's around it's too noisy, thus it's harder to reminice and yearn for the 'good old days'. I'm searching, wishing, trying to re-create one of the best times of my life here and now, and it's not working, I don't think it will ever, so I should just accept what I have now, just give up and get dragged away by the current.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Home Alone
Home Alone
Remember those movies? Home Alone 1/ 2/ 3...? Hahah maybe if I were a small kid, I'd be worried about staying home alone. But I'm not a small child anymore, I treasure the rare times I'm home alone, like now.
My mother and brother have gone to see Lord of the Dance, or 'lord of the rings', as my mother likes to say to annoy my brother and me. Not really my kind of thing, so I declined to go. Plus, the fact that I'd be alone was too tantalizing for words.
Not really doing anything productive now. Reading the book Frances lent me, talking to the very few people who'd talk to me online and listening to "Kite" by U2. For some strange reason I can't get enough of this song at the moment, as soon as the song finishes I hit the "play" button again. Tell me, is that a weird thing to do? No wait don't answer that. But it's a beautiful song. Go listen.
Been really crabby this week, if I've been whining or snapping at you, I'm so, so sorry and I apologise with all my heart. I think the weather's been affecting me, it's been hot, humid and so stuffy. Urgh. Right now I'm relishing the 18 degree air conditioning as I type. Ahhh.
It's been so hot I've actually tied up my hair! Well, it DOES keep the hair off my neck, which is cooler. I don't know if I'll keep it long, maybe til the end of the year, just let it grow out properly, then I can cut it drastically. We'll see.
For some really strange reason everyone thinks it's so fucking funny that I've tied up my hair. Why why why!?
Remember those movies? Home Alone 1/ 2/ 3...? Hahah maybe if I were a small kid, I'd be worried about staying home alone. But I'm not a small child anymore, I treasure the rare times I'm home alone, like now.
My mother and brother have gone to see Lord of the Dance, or 'lord of the rings', as my mother likes to say to annoy my brother and me. Not really my kind of thing, so I declined to go. Plus, the fact that I'd be alone was too tantalizing for words.
Not really doing anything productive now. Reading the book Frances lent me, talking to the very few people who'd talk to me online and listening to "Kite" by U2. For some strange reason I can't get enough of this song at the moment, as soon as the song finishes I hit the "play" button again. Tell me, is that a weird thing to do? No wait don't answer that. But it's a beautiful song. Go listen.
Been really crabby this week, if I've been whining or snapping at you, I'm so, so sorry and I apologise with all my heart. I think the weather's been affecting me, it's been hot, humid and so stuffy. Urgh. Right now I'm relishing the 18 degree air conditioning as I type. Ahhh.
It's been so hot I've actually tied up my hair! Well, it DOES keep the hair off my neck, which is cooler. I don't know if I'll keep it long, maybe til the end of the year, just let it grow out properly, then I can cut it drastically. We'll see.
For some really strange reason everyone thinks it's so fucking funny that I've tied up my hair. Why why why!?
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Today tell an unknown fact about yourself:
I hesitate at talking to people better looking than me.
Of course, I could be horribly arrogant and say 'well, this makes it easy for me to talk to everyone then!' but the truth is I'm a shy person inside. I try not to show it, though.
Low self esteem. Why am I putting this up anyway?! *scratches head*
I hesitate at talking to people better looking than me.
Of course, I could be horribly arrogant and say 'well, this makes it easy for me to talk to everyone then!' but the truth is I'm a shy person inside. I try not to show it, though.
Low self esteem. Why am I putting this up anyway?! *scratches head*
Thursday, April 21, 2005
I've had a bad day
I've had a bad day
Bad, bad, bad day. Hwee Ru, Delicia and I got dragged by Leow to see the vice principal. What's her name again? MISS Law? hmm whatever. (From here on known as the fuckfaced ass.)
To cut things short, art was shit, I've to hand in research to the fuckfaced ass tomorrow, she thinks just cause she was an art student she 'understands'. Like fuck she does. Back in HER day, you either went to 'science' or 'art'. And if you went to art it meant that your grades sucked, you were a failure.
Anyhow, the fuckfaced ass wants us to show the research shit to her tomorrow, BEFORE showing it to Leow. And there's no way I'm gonna stay back in school longer than I have to, so at 1020am or so I'll be in the fuckfaced ass's office. That is, if she's there. Argh she'd better be!
So after school. Went back exceedingly early, was in the door by 2:15pm! yes, amazing. Did some art research shit til 4:30 or so, then had tuition. Finished tuition at 7, I took TWO fucking hours to read one stupid cloze passage!
Man i hate chinese
Bad, bad, bad day. Hwee Ru, Delicia and I got dragged by Leow to see the vice principal. What's her name again? MISS Law? hmm whatever. (From here on known as the fuckfaced ass.)
To cut things short, art was shit, I've to hand in research to the fuckfaced ass tomorrow, she thinks just cause she was an art student she 'understands'. Like fuck she does. Back in HER day, you either went to 'science' or 'art'. And if you went to art it meant that your grades sucked, you were a failure.
Anyhow, the fuckfaced ass wants us to show the research shit to her tomorrow, BEFORE showing it to Leow. And there's no way I'm gonna stay back in school longer than I have to, so at 1020am or so I'll be in the fuckfaced ass's office. That is, if she's there. Argh she'd better be!
So after school. Went back exceedingly early, was in the door by 2:15pm! yes, amazing. Did some art research shit til 4:30 or so, then had tuition. Finished tuition at 7, I took TWO fucking hours to read one stupid cloze passage!
Man i hate chinese
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
tired of waking up tired
I guess the title says it all. Well, I borrowed the phrase from an album title, can't remember what the band was. Anyone, help? Shaun? We saw it last night, I *think*
Anyway. I go to sleep feeling tired, I wake up, still tired.
I guess I need a day where I can just sleep til I can't sleep anymore. Wonder if that'll work, somehow I don't think so. Maybe it's just the constant crappy weather in S'pore bothering me, while I was in Tioman I never felt like this, even though I woke up early. Grr wish I was back there, wearing shorts or a swimsuit almost the whole day, bumming around. Only I'd like to take someone along with me. Ah. If only, if only, I wish. As if.
Or
Maybe I'm allergic to school! HAHAHA. Ok in that case, I should quit now, move to Tioman or some other beach area and bum around.
A warning in advance, there are times nowadays when I'm feeling really crabby and irritated and I'm liable to snap out at you so watch it. Case in point: yesterday, I blew up at that annoying walking blob. Sorry to anyone in class whom I freaked out, but well, now you know, I've a short fuse and am not so happy and cheerful all the time as I know some of you think I am. Huh this has turned out to be a stupid whiney rant, so I shall stop it right here, right now. I hesitate to click "publish post" but I shall anyway.
I'm just bored and kinda lonely at the moment.
I guess the title says it all. Well, I borrowed the phrase from an album title, can't remember what the band was. Anyone, help? Shaun? We saw it last night, I *think*
Anyway. I go to sleep feeling tired, I wake up, still tired.
I guess I need a day where I can just sleep til I can't sleep anymore. Wonder if that'll work, somehow I don't think so. Maybe it's just the constant crappy weather in S'pore bothering me, while I was in Tioman I never felt like this, even though I woke up early. Grr wish I was back there, wearing shorts or a swimsuit almost the whole day, bumming around. Only I'd like to take someone along with me. Ah. If only, if only, I wish. As if.
Or
Maybe I'm allergic to school! HAHAHA. Ok in that case, I should quit now, move to Tioman or some other beach area and bum around.
A warning in advance, there are times nowadays when I'm feeling really crabby and irritated and I'm liable to snap out at you so watch it. Case in point: yesterday, I blew up at that annoying walking blob. Sorry to anyone in class whom I freaked out, but well, now you know, I've a short fuse and am not so happy and cheerful all the time as I know some of you think I am. Huh this has turned out to be a stupid whiney rant, so I shall stop it right here, right now. I hesitate to click "publish post" but I shall anyway.
I'm just bored and kinda lonely at the moment.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Here i am again,by the beach,blogging thru my mobile.how cool haha.was out the whole day,since 9.30am,just got back!went round the island snorkling.so much fun!go to google,search for 'tropical reefs' and you'll see what i saw ;p i think my back is burnt haha. I'll be back tomorrow evening,around 5. Don't wanna,i could bum around here for a lot longer!
Friday, April 15, 2005
Ahh. The wonders of modern technology! I'm sitting on the beach, blogging through my mobile phone! At tioman, having great fun. Trip today took half the day,then i was at the beach til dinner. I've got new tanlines and i intend to come back a few shades darker! Muahaha ;) Ok well i'm gonna end here, phone battery's running low. I'll probably see this post when i'm on the computer and be so highly amused. Shall try to update thru the mobile tomorrow too! Byeee.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Retarded retardation
Today I was only productive in school for...oh about an hour and a half. Lets see, there was assembly, which I slept through, Chinese, which I slept on and off. Then there was free time because for some weird reason no teachers came in, and guess what? I slept! While everyone was huddled around drawing cross sections of tomatoes, oranges, peanuts and whatever rubbish.
Got woken up for the science practical exam, which I screwed up royally by:
-cutting up the bloody tomato the wrong way (LONGDITUDE!! arghh), thus my drawing of the stupid tomato was wrong wrong wrong
-not learning the parts of the tomato while everyone was drawing it (I was sleeping, remember?!) so my (wrong!) tomato drawing had absolutely no labelling with the exception of "seed"
-not testing for any gas or whatever in the chemistry part of the exam, so I've got boxes in the table on the first page left blank, which has pulled me down by 4 or so marks already!
yes, it looks like I'm going to fail! But I'm still being optimistic, maybe I'll be able to scrape through *crosses fingers* Everyone! Quick! cross your fingers for me too! and your toes!
Ah well. It's over. After that we had to stay in the stupid hot stinky lab for half an hour more as they didn't want us "communicating answers to the third shift". So I pushed my bench stool against the wall, leaned on it and...went to sleep!
After that, we had recess, then CME, then a stupid career talk in the emmanual hall. And...I slept through that too!
Only had half an hour of productivity today, which was during math remedial. All on speed-time graphs and retardation, which was completely retarded. I-don't-like-math-pfft.
Going to Tioman tomorrow, and will be back on Sunday evening. Miss me, fuckers!
Today I was only productive in school for...oh about an hour and a half. Lets see, there was assembly, which I slept through, Chinese, which I slept on and off. Then there was free time because for some weird reason no teachers came in, and guess what? I slept! While everyone was huddled around drawing cross sections of tomatoes, oranges, peanuts and whatever rubbish.
Got woken up for the science practical exam, which I screwed up royally by:
-cutting up the bloody tomato the wrong way (LONGDITUDE!! arghh), thus my drawing of the stupid tomato was wrong wrong wrong
-not learning the parts of the tomato while everyone was drawing it (I was sleeping, remember?!) so my (wrong!) tomato drawing had absolutely no labelling with the exception of "seed"
-not testing for any gas or whatever in the chemistry part of the exam, so I've got boxes in the table on the first page left blank, which has pulled me down by 4 or so marks already!
yes, it looks like I'm going to fail! But I'm still being optimistic, maybe I'll be able to scrape through *crosses fingers* Everyone! Quick! cross your fingers for me too! and your toes!
Ah well. It's over. After that we had to stay in the stupid hot stinky lab for half an hour more as they didn't want us "communicating answers to the third shift". So I pushed my bench stool against the wall, leaned on it and...went to sleep!
After that, we had recess, then CME, then a stupid career talk in the emmanual hall. And...I slept through that too!
Only had half an hour of productivity today, which was during math remedial. All on speed-time graphs and retardation, which was completely retarded. I-don't-like-math-pfft.
Going to Tioman tomorrow, and will be back on Sunday evening. Miss me, fuckers!
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
summarize it, quick!
Summarise it, quick!
Ok well I haven't done much to this blog for a week or so, even though things have been happening. You're right, Denise, (well, a bit anyway haha) my blog is dead. Dying, whatever.
Right I shall attempt to summarise the highlights of the events that happened in a few sentences each or this post will go on for ages.
Friday, 8th April.
Mufti Day and sch gig by 4A1 (and me don't forget me! haha *ego*) was quite good, the crowd was so reserved at first, then started to warm up, in the end they were quite cool. (best SCHOOL event this year?) And Viv saw a frog on the way out of school at night and freaked out. HAHA.
Saturday, 9th.
Lunch at the Grand Corpthorne with mother and brother. Why why why do singaporeans feel the need at buffets to load up six or seven plates with food, from starters to dessert, then plonk it all down at their table and guzzle? It's a buffet, for goodness sake, the food isn't gonna get whisked away!
Went to the "Twelfth Night" play at night. Cool play, HOT ACTOR!! hahaah. Seriously though, the guy who plays Feste the fool is hot, haha everyone agrees. Whoo. And Snail has (well, in her mind!) dumped the Bossini guy and married Paul Hannon (Feste).
I must remember never to let Snail read this. I'll get hunted down and slaughtered for sure!
Sunday, 10th.
Guitar lesson. Apparently I "pick like a girl". Thanks, Ivan. We shant go into further into that topic here!
Monday, 11th.
Ran 2.4km for NAPFA. Argh fuck. My first 'B' for the run in years and years. I'm so pissed with myself cause I know I could've done better. Felt really dizzy after it though, maybe I should eat in the mornings, at least before I run.
Training at night. Mad china woman again, Chia's off for some operation. Well the good thing about the mad china woman is that she's really, really slack. The bad thing? CHINA woman. Need I say more? The words 'communication problem!' spring straight to mind.
Right that should be it, blog's not dead anymore!
OH, OH!
I'm going off to Tioman for a holiday! From Friday the 15th to Sunday the 17th. Which means I'm not going to school on Friday, I'll be getting on the bus at 6-ish am. What an unholy hour!
I know you dears will miss me so terribly!
"If only I could find my pants"- said by a french muffin. Whahahah. Check this stupid useless site out www.muffinfilms.com
Ok well I haven't done much to this blog for a week or so, even though things have been happening. You're right, Denise, (well, a bit anyway haha) my blog is dead. Dying, whatever.
Right I shall attempt to summarise the highlights of the events that happened in a few sentences each or this post will go on for ages.
Friday, 8th April.
Mufti Day and sch gig by 4A1 (and me don't forget me! haha *ego*) was quite good, the crowd was so reserved at first, then started to warm up, in the end they were quite cool. (best SCHOOL event this year?) And Viv saw a frog on the way out of school at night and freaked out. HAHA.
Saturday, 9th.
Lunch at the Grand Corpthorne with mother and brother. Why why why do singaporeans feel the need at buffets to load up six or seven plates with food, from starters to dessert, then plonk it all down at their table and guzzle? It's a buffet, for goodness sake, the food isn't gonna get whisked away!
Went to the "Twelfth Night" play at night. Cool play, HOT ACTOR!! hahaah. Seriously though, the guy who plays Feste the fool is hot, haha everyone agrees. Whoo. And Snail has (well, in her mind!) dumped the Bossini guy and married Paul Hannon (Feste).
I must remember never to let Snail read this. I'll get hunted down and slaughtered for sure!
Sunday, 10th.
Guitar lesson. Apparently I "pick like a girl". Thanks, Ivan. We shant go into further into that topic here!
Monday, 11th.
Ran 2.4km for NAPFA. Argh fuck. My first 'B' for the run in years and years. I'm so pissed with myself cause I know I could've done better. Felt really dizzy after it though, maybe I should eat in the mornings, at least before I run.
Training at night. Mad china woman again, Chia's off for some operation. Well the good thing about the mad china woman is that she's really, really slack. The bad thing? CHINA woman. Need I say more? The words 'communication problem!' spring straight to mind.
Right that should be it, blog's not dead anymore!
OH, OH!
I'm going off to Tioman for a holiday! From Friday the 15th to Sunday the 17th. Which means I'm not going to school on Friday, I'll be getting on the bus at 6-ish am. What an unholy hour!
I know you dears will miss me so terribly!
"If only I could find my pants"- said by a french muffin. Whahahah. Check this stupid useless site out www.muffinfilms.com
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Been having this stupidass feeling, like I'm so sick of anything and everything, and I don't care about anything anymore. (well, almost anything, there are, however, a few very special people whom I care about a lot still) Mid-year exams are in three weeks, Chinese 'O' Levels are in a month or so, haven't studied one nano-bit, art coursework mock-up is due in four days and I don't even have a topic, I've got mountains of assignments not even thought about, my flu has stuck around for two weeks and every day I cough and my throat is sore...
In short, just dump my life into the toilet and press the flush button. Whoosh! There it goes, wave goodbye, kiddos!
School concert tomorrow - "That Fund Thing '05". Should be interesting, we'll see how it goes. I'm getting FREE ENTRY yaay! Well I *did* get the bands, HA.
Oh well I just posted today mainly cause of Denise (Heil Denise, NOT!) who said my blog has gone poof. And well, also cause I wanted to grumble a bit about the shit I'm in.
Self indulgence.
In short, just dump my life into the toilet and press the flush button. Whoosh! There it goes, wave goodbye, kiddos!
School concert tomorrow - "That Fund Thing '05". Should be interesting, we'll see how it goes. I'm getting FREE ENTRY yaay! Well I *did* get the bands, HA.
Oh well I just posted today mainly cause of Denise (Heil Denise, NOT!) who said my blog has gone poof. And well, also cause I wanted to grumble a bit about the shit I'm in.
Self indulgence.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
close encounters of the parental kind
"close encounters of the parental kind"
Shaun had an attack of kiddishness (is that a word!?) today so we went to Toys'R'Us at Forum after my guitar lesson.
While walking around looking at everything in general, I heard this voice going "JIE!!" Turning, I saw my brother! Then my mother, then father, and a family friend! What the hell. FREEEEEKY.
So anyway. The parentals got a look at him, and, well, I think they approve, since I got no comments on him when I got back. Haha. I think my mother was really worried that the guy I was going out with had millions of 'holes in his face' (READ: piercings) Haha, now you can rest easy mum!
After that "close encounter of the parental kind" the two of us headed to the Esplanade library. Far, far away from my family. Haha I'm STILL weirded out by that. Weird weird weird and strange!
Shaun had an attack of kiddishness (is that a word!?) today so we went to Toys'R'Us at Forum after my guitar lesson.
While walking around looking at everything in general, I heard this voice going "JIE!!" Turning, I saw my brother! Then my mother, then father, and a family friend! What the hell. FREEEEEKY.
So anyway. The parentals got a look at him, and, well, I think they approve, since I got no comments on him when I got back. Haha. I think my mother was really worried that the guy I was going out with had millions of 'holes in his face' (READ: piercings) Haha, now you can rest easy mum!
After that "close encounter of the parental kind" the two of us headed to the Esplanade library. Far, far away from my family. Haha I'm STILL weirded out by that. Weird weird weird and strange!
Saturday, April 02, 2005
CLAAAAARA!
Here's a big BIG BIG thank you to Clara Lam!! Hahahahah
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
you're a fucking genius with HTML gibberish!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
you're a fucking genius with HTML gibberish!
Friday, April 01, 2005
everybody's an april fool!
Today. Sports day blah blah. Hot blah blah. Still coughing, throat's still sore blah blah. Hot blah hot annoying boring blah blah. No voice, still sick blah blah.
OH. Denise and I pranked about 17 people with a 7-UP can filled with some water. After about the sixth person, we decided to add in some pepsi twist and some milo into it. Heehee the victims (especially Chew house cheerleaders-Rhubz, Dev, SerWee Wee *nudgenudge*) spat it right back up. I guess it was kinda gross tasting. Muahahah.
APRIL FOOLS!!
After that met up with Shaun and went to Junction8 for lunch. Ran into so so so many people. Apparently Viv was running around Junction 8 as well, she'd found out I was there from Mings, and she wanted to pop up and surprise me. Haha it didn't work though, as she never found me in the end! Hmm I'm still trying to figure out why, as we both saw the same people and went to the same places! Ha Viv it just wasn't meant to be.
OH. Denise and I pranked about 17 people with a 7-UP can filled with some water. After about the sixth person, we decided to add in some pepsi twist and some milo into it. Heehee the victims (especially Chew house cheerleaders-Rhubz, Dev, SerWee Wee *nudgenudge*) spat it right back up. I guess it was kinda gross tasting. Muahahah.
APRIL FOOLS!!
After that met up with Shaun and went to Junction8 for lunch. Ran into so so so many people. Apparently Viv was running around Junction 8 as well, she'd found out I was there from Mings, and she wanted to pop up and surprise me. Haha it didn't work though, as she never found me in the end! Hmm I'm still trying to figure out why, as we both saw the same people and went to the same places! Ha Viv it just wasn't meant to be.
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